Oh that is nice, Randall Terry, the pro-life activist and “Democrat” who beat Obama in 242 percent of the Oklahoma Democratic primaries this year, has a new website, and he is inviting the “child-killers” at Your Wonkette (along with the cool dudes at RightWingWatch and the humorless nags at Jezzy) to come join him for a virtual beer!

This is awkward because Your Wonkette once made a very clever Heathers joke about Randall Terry loving his dead gay son, but then it turned out Randall Terry’s gay son was actually dead, and Your Wonkette had a brief and unwelcome (not to mention “unfamiliar”) bout with utter shame. Then we got over it, because there were children around that hadn’t yet been murdered. A woman’s work is just never done!

One time, no joke, your Editrix did in fact go so far as to take her baby son to see a live theater production of Medea on Mother’s Day — the one where she murders all her children to get back at faithless Jason, not the tubby frank lady thespianed by Tyler Perry. He was nine maybe? He liked it okay? She has yet to throw him out of the house and disown him for being a homo, though, so it looks like she won’t win any Randall Terry Prizes for Mother of the Year. Maybe you will?

Think of ProLifeWarrior as a “cyber-pub” where the troops can gather to have a beer and a shot. That means you can talk about anything you want, and we will not edit, remove, or in anyway censure what you have written. If you want to say “so-and-so is a #@%&,” that is your decision.

The reason for our editorial policy is simple: most Christian and Pro-Life blogs and on-line communities are sterile and lifeless. We prefer the rambunctious, loud, honest chaos of a crowded pub to the porcelain purity of an empty room. (The only exceptions are blasphemy, pornography, and credible threats of violence. See forum rules.) So if the child-killers at RightWingWatch or Jezebel or Wonkette want to come in and throw some punches, they are welcome to do so.

You could also think of ProLifeWarrior as a voice of resistance and recruitment, calling the Faithful out of the cyber-ghetto…into real political and cultural battle. That means we will vilify those who collaborate with the child-killers (such as NRLC or Ohio Right to Life); we will dismiss those who offer trite gimmicks in place of definitive action; we will expose and mock those who present tawdry fundraising schemes as a means to end this holocaust; and we will challenge those who cower in silence before the strong to rise from their knees and fight.

Our guiding principles and lights will be the Laws of Heaven, the fear of God (not man), and the heroes of the Scriptures, Church history, and the victorious social revolutions of the past.

Our mission is to help create the climate in which it becomes a criminal act to murder an unborn human being from conception till birth. This of course means criminalizing the pill, the patch, Plan-B, Depo-Provera, IUDs, and anything else that deliberately causes the death of an innocent human being who happens to reside in his/her mother’s womb.

So you’ve got your invitation, Wonkers. Just make sure nothing follows you home. [ProLifeWarrior]

Those Obama love letter excerpts that Vanity Fair ran a couple of weeks ago were the best thing that happened to low-end wingnut grifter consortium World Net Daily since forever — it gave them a new opportunity to call some new Obama thing totally fake, because… well, look at them, they’re clearly bullshit. Letters. Pfft. Why won’t the mainstream media spuriously declare them fake? Because they don’t have the brains of a Doctor Jack Cashill, the supreme linguistico-syntactical Indiana Jones of wordsleuthery and anti-truth discovery who’s most famous for pointing out that Bill Ayers wrote Dreams from My Father. Cashill argues that Obama couldn’t have written those letters, because (a) UMLAUTS? (b) he doesn’t like Obama (c) they don’t sound at all like the writing in Dreams from My Father, which, again, Obama didn’t write, but still.

Here’s the meat of Cashill’s argument: We all know that Obama is too stupid to include an umlaut in his writing, because look at him, he’s an idiot. Also, this supposed “college Obama” name-dropped someone whom Jack Cashill had never heard of until now, as if that were possible. Cashill was an Honors English student, ahem:

Recall that Obama, in the words of friendly biographer David Remnick, was an “unspectacular” student. A Northwestern University prof who wrote a letter of reference for Obama reinforces the point, telling Remnick, “I don’t think [Obama] did too well in college.”

And yet writing longhand, presumably from memory, Obama has the wherewithal to put an umlaut over the “u” in Münzer. In college, I was an Honors English student and a Classics minor, not a political science major like Obama. I had not even heard of Münzer before reading this letter.

Obama’s writing in these letters is nothing like his writing in the Bill Ayers book Dreams from My Father, either. As if someone might use a completely different writing style in pretentious college-age academic musings than one would in a memoir (which, again, he didn’t write)? And these letters are written about nice, white people — not the CRAZY BLACKS who were the subject of every course he ever took:

Nowhere in “Dreams” is there any mention of T.S. Eliot, Münzer or Yeats, or any of the themes in this letter that so excited Adam Hirsch. As Obama tells it, he and his pals “discussed neocolonialism, Franz Fanon, Eurocentrism, and patriarchy.” This I can believe.

Totally missing from “Dreams,” too, are the more exotic words in the letter to McNear: ecstatic, mechanistic, asexual, stoical, moribund, reactionary, fertility, dichotomy, irreconcilable, ambivalence, plus “hazard” and “counter” used as verbs, as in “I will hazard these statements” and “Counter him with Yeats and Pound.”

Ugh, bring back Breitbart.

[WND]

The last few years has been pretty much a nonstop ride of positive safety PR for the nuclear power industry, right? I mean, this is an technology that absorbed an enormous earthquake and tsunami and barely even killed anyone/left whole towns uninhabitable/terrified the world. Nuclear power couldn’t even bring harm to erstwhile Wonkette scribe Jack Stuef! So really, why should Americans be spending our precious tax dollars on making our own nuclear power plants safer, when that money could be diverted to more pressing needs (tax cuts for billionaires, hott new missile defense systems, capital gains tax cuts … just spitballing here). But don’t worry, we don’t need those gridlocked crumbums in Congress to make these important decisions, since they were already put into place by updates to obscure federal regulations six months ago.

You know what really sucks and is boring is practicing stuff, as we remember very clearly from high school band, where we had to go to rehearsal every morning before school and lessons and (theoretically) practice on our own during the week and yet never once did we become a prominent jazz trombonist! Therefore practice is for losers, and there’s no point in practicing for what would happen if a nuclear plant released a “significant amount of radiation,” which totally works out because now you can have training exercises at nuclear plants that don’t deal with that at all!

Also, anyone who has ever tried to maintain an old broken down car knows what a pain it is to keep ancient equipment going past its prime. That’s why you’ll be relieved to hear that the Feds have relaxed the safety regulations for nuclear power plants operating beyond their design life, since living up those regulations would be hard and it’s not like we don’t still need the electricity even though those plants are like 50 years old now, amiright?

Anyway, don’t worry too much about this, because the number of Americans living within 10 miles of a nuclear power plant has really dropped in the last few decades. Oh, wait, did we say dropped, we meant “ballooned by as much as 4 1/2 times since 1980.” Enjoy the circa 1998 stylings of the Associated Press’s website (“Best viewed in Netscape Navigator 4!”) while your Wonkette turns the basement into an air-tight, lead-lined safety chamber. [AP]

We have not been keeping up on the day to day dribs and drabs oozing forth from this Mr. Edward Klein fellow’s excellent new Barack Obama biography, “Michelle Obama Is A Jealous Twat She Even Hates Oprah Burn Her.” But one excerpt featured on Glenn Beck’s The Blaze did catch our eye! And that is that Barack Obama is such a terrible snooty liar that even America’s reigning kings of snooty liars, the Kennedy Klan, think he is a snooty liar! Then? They throw some shit. Even Ethel Kennedy is just constantly flipping tables like that chick from Real Housewives of New Jersey, the bankrupt one with the forehead and the hair and the baby-man husband always pawing at her tit.

“There had always been tensions at Kennedy family gatherings — fist fights and overturned tables were not unheard of — and this event was no exception,” Klein writes in an advanced copy obtained by The Blaze. That “event” was a meeting in 2009, which featured a who’s who in the Kennedy family, including Ted. The family figurehead, a family source tells Klein, tried to propose a toast to Obama twice, and Caroline joined in. But not everyone was happy about it: the night included a finger-pointing argument between Bobby and Ted, and Bobby even got so angry he broke his fluted glass after squeezing it too hard.

[Some stuff about how Caroline is a super-shitty entitled princess that doesn't even bring up how she demanded a New York Senate seat just for being her. Also, she hates Obama now.]

Ethel Kennedy, “the matriarch of the family,” similarly felt scorned, according to Klein. He tells a story of her invitation — extended to the First Family — being ignored by the Obamas. She got so upset “that she went on a rampage inside her house, cursing the president and turning over furniture.”

Ethel Kennedy is 84 years old.

[TheBlaze]

Oh dear, it seems James O’Keefe’s latest masterpiece on vote fraud, in which he totally caught University of North Carolina not finking on “Democrat-friendly election fraud” when faced with GOP kids bragging about how they double-voted GOP, may have just the teensiest inaccuracy in it: dude O’Keefe said was dead, and whose ballot his henchman was given anyway, is not in fact dead, because zombie voodoo. How do the fine folks at MediaMatters know this? Oh, it was in the unedited version of the video is all.

O’KEEFE: We found ballots being offered out in the name of the dead. One man, Michael Bolton, had died April 23, but apparently the Board of Elections didn’t get the memo, and his ballot was offered to us on May 8.

In the ensuing video clip, an O’Keefe operative at a polling place tells a poll worker, “The name is Michael G. Bolton.” There is then a jump cut, and in the next clip the poll worker is telling the operative to sign or make an mark in the pollbook to affirm his identity. The operative then says he would feel more comfortable if he could show his photo ID, and leaves.

Something very important happens during that jump cut. As the raw video reveals, the poll worker says, “You must be a junior? … Michael G. Bolton, Jr.?” to which O’Keefe’s operative responds: “That would be correct.”

OH RIGHT. Dead dude had a son, and that’s whose ballot O’Keefe’s goon almost fraudulently obtained. Oopsie?

NO. NOT OOPSIE. James O’Keefe is a consummate journalist who does not MAKE mistakes. Therefore, when he edited his little movie to take out the bit that 100 percent falsified his central premise and then reiterated his verifiably falsified central premise all over again, it was … oh fuck just send him all your money already, Koch Brothers. He is working VERY VERY HARD for it.

[MediaMatters]

Hey teens! Are you ready for the most magical night of your lives, when you will go to Manitou Springs City Hall and dance like you are pretending to do butt-sechs, and then later you will finally lose your stupid virginity in a haze of Bartles & Jaymes? That’s right, PROM NIGHT!

Well, two chaperones did not think much of your “slutty, whorish, trashy” ways, and so they ran around the dance calling you sluts and whores, calling the cops on you, and then spraying you with Lysol. “It cleans the air,” but can it clean your chlamydia?

As detailed by police, several teenagers told officers that the chaperones subsequently deployed the Lysol, which got into the eyes and mouths of some dancers (some of whom had to leave the prom). A female student reported the spraying to police, saying that [Jennifer] Farmer and [Hannah] Rockey said that some dancers “were advertising butt sex.” The chaperones, the girl told cops, referred to her and her friends as “sluts and whores” and “dirty.”

Who were these charming chaperones? According to The Smoking Gun, one was a former schoolboard member! And both were wearing combat boots and fatigues? That seems like a weird outfit for Prom, very Timothy McVeigh. Manitou Springs is a lovely little hippy-dippy artist neighborhood near the Focus on the Family stronghold of Colorado Springs. (Fun fact! Possibly better known to readers under 16 as Panem’s The Capitol.)

Both women were charged with harassment, and “directing obscene language to another in a public place.” FOR JESUS! This is the greatest assault to religious liberty since Barack Obama said women could go to the doctor.

[TSG]

Why is hero Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, recently seen bitching that the governor’s three-times-median-household-income salary just isn’t enough cheddar, being blamed just because his awesome economic policies of “fire everyone” have made his state plumb last in job growth? (Koch economic policies are obviously THE GREATEST economic policies, and every state should have more of them.) Does not everyone understand that if this is not Barack Obama’s fault, then it is the fault of the Union Thugz he fired, for protesting him? (That is a true thing Scott Walker said: that the mighty Wisconsin protests last year caused businesses to have “uncertainty,” thus forcing them to fire all their workers and flee the state.) Well, since nobody will believe him about that, Scott Walker has decided to do things a little more out-of-the-box: instead of being enslaved by these fuddy-duddy old-and-busted Department of Labor statistics, he is going to make up his own! So now his employment numbers will be slightly above zero, instead of slightly below! Does this change everything? THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING. Tell us about it, Forbes!

With Wisconsin suffering the worst job loss numbers in the nation for the calendar year 2011, Governor Scott Walker promised yesterday that he will reveal newly revised numbers this week that will, effectively, change water into wine on the Wisconsin job front.

And he’s done it just in time for the June 5th recall election.

So, just how is Walker about to turn Wisconsin’s dismal job numbers from lemons to lemonade?

The Governor has simply decided to ignore the system used by the Department of Labor — and every other state in the nation — to measure job growth (or loss) and elected instead to go with a different set of numbers that makes things in Wisconsin look better.

Who knew it could be so easy to solve a jobs crisis?

Oh waggish Forbes writer! Why can’t Scott Walker just pick and choose what metrics he wants to use to determine job growth? Shut up and pick some stocks or something!

For [many] reasons, the Establishment Survey has long been the primary tool for measuring how many jobs exist in a given state rather than the household survey.

Yet, when Scott Walker delivers his ‘good news’ this week using his version of the ‘real’ numbers of job growth in 2011, he will not be using this traditional standard. And should we insist that the Walker Administration stay within the same metrics everyone else uses so as to get a true measure of where Wisconsin ranks vis-a-vis other states?

Obviously, not, idiot. And if Scott Walker wants to start counting housewives as employed workers, or high school students as employed workers, or fired union thug protesters as employed workers (they are employed with protesting Scott Walker), he should get to do that too! No? WHY DO YOU HATE MOMS, HENGHHH? That’s what we thought, Forbes writer communist. Why don’t you go back to Germany, DICK? [Forbes]