Remember when the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade got fuckin’ rick-rolled?! Neither do we, but we vaguely recall posting this video a day or two after. And what we knew, at that moment, is that Rick Astley and the “Home for Orphaned Goblins” created a New Thanksgiving Day Tradition, perhaps even more important (culturally) than the time that M&M’s blimp crashed into the crowd during the 9/11 Thanksgiving Parade.

And finally, our nation’s one & only true Thanksgiving Prayer, by the late artist William S. Burroughs. We’ve been featuring this particular American Prayer at Wonkette since 2006! Never forget, for real. Nobody ever called Burroughs “the next Thoreau,” but maybe they should have ….

• wake up people, the new world order has hijacked our nation/world..we need to stand up to tyranny and defend freedom and liberty..check out my page to get informed
• He IS a Hero.
  Wathever happens
  Wathever others say
  Lóóóve this vid!!!
• Obama should be focusing on the economy and the war instead of playing with turkeys.
• This is a presidential tradition done every year. Bush did it too after 9/11. Doesn’t take much time or thought process….
• I will think of the NATIVE AMERICAN
  AMERICAN INDIANS. and mourn!
  NICA TLACA,ANAHUAC.
• Have you ever been attacked by a turkey? I had one jump at my face those fuckers know how to take a man down
• Its a white turkey, not your traditional bronze/black. Im I right in saying that its traditional in the USA at thanksgiving to pardon a turkey?
• why are we being drawned into a war. I thought we were to pick our own fights. You can’t win a fight that you are being pulled into. Far more of our boys have lost there life then the ememy we fight. At this rate we will never win the war. why do we have the right to defend our country but Irael doesn’t? And the president should not put his children on show where is his wife she should be there with the family always by her husband side. I don’t think the president is really calling the shot
• and so the status-quo continues . . .

[YouTube]

SQUANTO’S BOUNTEOUS GOSSIP HARVEST: Poor SEN. CLAIRE McCASKILL (D-MO) has been so busy being a United States Senator that she’s hardly had any time to write stupid shit on her Twitter machine …. ACORN was given access to the world’s largest mailing list, OPRAHSERV, which it used to trick sheeple into disclosing their bank account numbers and Yahoo passwords …. KENDRICK MEEK (D-FL) wants to hear all of your crazy stories about Bonnaroo and overdraft fees …. Vermin familiar with human plague RUDY GIULIANI are skeptical of Rudy’s supposed bid for 9/11 SENATOR in 2010 ….

Shameless turkey sympathizer BARACK OBAMA pardoned two convicted TURKEYS held at Guantanamo, and then invited them to come to DC and share a hotel suite with Indian prime minister MANMOHAN SINGH. Yes. Former detainees on American soil! What’s next, Barack? You gonna turn BAGRAM into a petting zoo? Another Obamanation.

Riley Waggaman’s WAGG THE BOG appears constantly here at Wonkette. Send your hot gossip to the usual tips@wonkette.com

You’ll need:

• Some friends
• Brownie mix
• Planet Earth: Jungles
• Whatever else

What you do:

Someone buy brownie mix. Tell whatever friend who lives closest to the 7-11 to pick up some brownie mix, they probably sell it there.  If not, don’t be a little bitch about it just drive two blocks to the supermarket. Jesus Christ. Anyway, so you have the brownie mix right? And then you should have already gotten pot. Call your other friend, the one know knows how to make pot brownies. Tell him to come over, bring his copy of Planet Earth: Jungles and also uhh, season one of that show that everyone likes.

You’re playing host, so it’s not like you even have to do this, but move a few six packs from the basement to the garage or on the deck so they’re cold by the time the brownies are finished.

God they are taking for fucking ever.

Some time passes, you’ll need to think of an activity but do not watch the DVD because that is for later. And finally, yes, done. Enjoy the brownies. They do not taste like pot at all, whoever did this did a really awesome job. Definitely plan on finding out the recipe at some point.

Just leave the plates on the table, don’t worry, Sarah will get them later.

This dish takes exactly three minutes to prepare, and another 10 or 15 minutes in the oven, and you don’t even have to think about it. Pre-heat the oven, prepare the cranberries, “slide in the pyrex,” as they say, and just turn the fucking oven off, go outside, have a cigarette.

Do not forget our other Holiday Recipes for Thanksgiving! Betty Ford’s Chocoholic Icebox Fantasy and Mamie Eisenhower’s Lesbian-Soviet Hockey Rink and Nancy Reagan’s Racial-Transcendence Monkey Bread!

There are many recipes you can find “on the Internet” for fresh cranberry sauce, but you don’t need to do that anymore. Just send this one to your xBox or whatever and be DONE, done with the search for the ideal cranberry relish recipe.

THE THINGS YOU NEED:

• When you’re at the store, get two sacks of fresh cranberries from the produce section. They are like, a pound each. This will be plenty for eight or so people. Did your relatives refuse to use any kind of birth control, producing a larger family of say, 16 people? Just double the recipe, meaning buy two of whatever, and use twice as much, in the recipe. And “double the recipe” does not mean set the oven to 700 degrees instead of 350. Jesus.
• If for some reason you don’t have some basic cane sugar and a decent bottle of bourbon at home, purchase these things in whatever respectable quantity, so next time (Friday morning) you’ll have this stuff handy.
• Oranges. Buy some of them.

NOW: Either right now or tomorrow or 30 minutes before carving time — IT DOES NOT MATTER — you wash the cranberries. (The thing that looks like a ’50s space helmet, it is called the colander, fill it with the cranberries and put it under the cold faucet).

Dump said berries in the Pyrex baking dish, like the one people might use for lasagna or baked manicotti. (This is a good time to remove whatever weird stuff the Stephen King characters who pick cranberries might’ve dropped in the bucket: loose teeth, etc.) Get the cheese grater and just grate on some sad-but-firm orange, right on the peel, so that the little bits of orange peel fall down upon the lonely berries. It is fine if some bigger chunks — like, half-inch-long shreds, but no bigger than that — fall down there, too. It adds “color” … orange color, in fact. Do this until you’re tired of doing it, at which point there’s probably about three teaspoons’ worth of orange “zest” in the pyrex, with the cranberries. Don’t pick it out and measure it or anything, just show some confidence. For once.

Cut open that poor orange you’ve just Gitmo’d, and squeeze the juice into your cranberry business. Do not drop the orange seeds in there, come on.

Now drizzle a couple-five shots of bourbon on the berries. And sprinkle about half a cup of granulated cane sugar over all that. (Generally, cranberry relish recipes call for some insane amount of sugar, like three cups. Do not ruin everything, okay? Using not-so-much sugar produces a tart but still sweet-enough relish that is to be served with savory dishes like turkey and dressing, right? If you want to put this on a peanut butter sandwich, by all means use fifteen cups of sugar and chase it with an “energy drink” or whatever. Let freedom reign.)

Cover the baking dish with foil and put it in the oven. Doesn’t really matter, whatever the oven is set to, which is going to be in the 300-425 range for your general Thanksgiving dishes crowding the oven. You also don’t need to be a dick and start yelling about how somebody needs to move the mac-and-cheese or the brussels sprouts under the broiler (and you SHOULD have simple cut-in-half olive-oil-brushed brussels sprouts under the broiler!) because you must get in your cranberry relish. Anytime is fine, and plus who will be impressed if you keep talking about it, beforehand? They might notice how easy it is to make, and then who are you? You are basically Lou Dobbs. So go outside and yell at a Mexican.

Come back inside, and please wash your hands if you were smoking out there, and see what is going on. Are people tense? It is probably time to open a bottle of wine, go ahead and pass around maybe a Petite Syrah, something that will go with maybe some pita chips or apple slices, whatever, try to get people to relax. It is okay to have “Irish Coffees,” too, because it’s daytime.

When the cranberry business is bubbly and the berries have this nice soft-but-firm kind of thing going on, take out the pyrex and let it cool somewhere out of the way. If there’s room in the fridge, you can just put the tray in there once it’s cool to the touch. But there’s no room, jesus just look at all the food in there, plus there are about a million beers for tomorrow, so just scrape it all into something pretty, some kind of thing you might put chutney in, or whatever (ask mom).

Serve and watch how people say, “OMG I only ever had it from a can,” etc.