Sorry, “White House photographer,” but the 101st Keyboard Brigade has figured out your little scam! It has something to do with the superscript ‘th,’ we are sure! Or … pixels? Yes, pixels. Your mom has taken a class in Detecting Internet Forgeries from the Dan Rather Truth Squad, and she was very excited to find such skullduggery — straight from the top! — on her very first try! Good job, Your Mom! Hugs and kisses!

I’m not one for conspiracy theories. I prefer to base my opinions on demonstration fact that I can point to. However, after looking at an extremely odd photo of President Obama “throwing” a football, I have my doubts that this photo is real.

As do we all! And we didn’t even have to look!

However, on closer inspection, some very odd things pop up. If you go to the linked picture, in which the photo is notably larger, peculiar things become obvious. In particular, the President’s enlarged eyes in the photo and the pixels that surround his head and arms, but are not present in any other part of the picture. Zoomed in, this is what it looks like:

But we see pixels around his tie too? Oh never mind it is more important to blah blah blah (heh) about why are President Ladysmith Black Mambazo’s eyes so big and bulgy? Also, he does not throw a football the same way he throws a baseball, Q.E.DUH!

On top of it all, this throwing motion does not match Mr. Obama’s previous photo ops. Compare the new picture’s motion with this one of Mr. Obama throwing a baseball (click for better resolution):

You should notice several things right off the bat. The picture on the left is less heavily pixelated. More importantly, however, with the picture on the left, Mr. Obama’s left arm has decidedly more bend in it, his right arm is lowered, and his shoulders are more squared.

So, is this picture doctored? It’s up to you to decide. However, the fact that the White House may have altered a picture of the President throwing a football speaks to how despereate they are to perfectly manicure his public image.

That is exactly what we have been saying all along! It’s not a matter of jpeg compression or other supposed “facts,” like the uncompressed version up top that we stole from LittleGreenFootballs, it is that the FACT that some people think they “may” have altered it is all the proof you need of the White House’s “despereation”! It is called Logic, and “Aurelius” at PunditPress is full of it! [PunditPress/LittleGreenFootballs]

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If there is one thing Wisconsinites love, we are told, it is murdering poor defenseless Bambi with a gun. Democrats love shooting Bambi, Republicans love shooting Bambi, independents and children and cripples and ladies and men all LURVE killing them some deer. Sometimes for food, sometimes to preserve their public lands from deer overpopulation, sometimes to have dominion over all God’s beasts or something. This is the most bipartisan thing there could possibly be, in Wisconsin. So what did hero Governor Scott Walker do? He appointed as the state’s “deer czar” one Dr. James Kroll, who thinks public management of public lands is “the last bastion of Communism.” Better dead then red, derp!

The public lands Kroll despises include the state parks, state and national forests, and other publicly held property that hundreds of thousands of Wisconsinites—particularly in the northern part of the state—rely on for deer hunting. Hunters on public land may be surprised to discover that Walker regards their annual trek into a state forest as a radical left wing activity akin to marching in a May Day parade in Red Square. But so it is. If Kroll gets his way, public land hunters will get the shaft. The deer herd no longer would be managed as a public resource, but as the private property of wealthy landowners. Wisconsin will become like Europe, where hunting is the privilege of the wealthy.

Hmmm, it almost sounds as if all the “small-government conservatives” what love to kill stuff dead might get fucked over by voting for a “small-government conservative.” Wouldn’t that be rich!

Kroll, who has been the foremost proponent of deer ranching in Texas for more than thirty years, doesn’t mind the controversy and certainly doesn’t fade in the heat. People who call for more public lands are “cocktail conservationists,” he says, who are really pining for socialism. He calls national parks “wildlife ghettos” and flatly accuses the government of gross mismanagement. He argues that his relatively tiny acreage, marked by eight-foot fences and posted signs warning off would-be poachers, is a better model for keeping what’s natural natural while making money off the land.

That’s it, Wisconsin! You may have sat idly by while Walker busted your union buddies. Are you really going to let him pry the [gun what's used to kill deer] from your cold dead hands? [WCMCOOP/LodiValleyNews, via DailyKos]

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Baptist pastor Charles L. Worley had a little sit-down with Jesus, and got this heavenly revelation:

“I figured a way to get rid of all the lesbians and queers,” he says in his sermon, delivered on May 13. “Build a great, big, large fence — 150 or 100 mile long — put all the lesbians in there, [drop some food down] … Do the same thing for the queers and the homosexuals and have that fence electrified so they can’t get out… And you know what, in a few years, they’ll die out.”

Good sermon, Pastor Worley! Very much What Jesus Would Do, we are sure! (Towleroad, though, you elided a little the part where he says, “drop some food down there,” so he is not actually calling to starve the queers and lesbos, just lock them up so they can’t reproduce. We added it back in, to be helpful, you’re welcome!)

Pastor Worley, how do you feel about gay marriage, please answer in the form of leaving off all the consonants that hillbillies don’t like to pronounce: “The Bible’s agin it, God’s agin it, I’m agin it, and if you got any sense you’re agin it,” says Pastor Worley! “Yay!” say the people! “Hell yeah!” says Jesus, “like My Father always says, fuck those guys! Can you imagine kissing a man?” Pastor Charles Worley and his congregants at the Providence Road Baptist Church in Maiden, North Carolina, will take your World’s Best Christians plaque now please, the end.

[Towleroad]

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Poor Eduardo Saverin! All he wanted to do was renounce his American citizenship, coincidentally shortly before a big honkin’ tax bill came due from his Facebook public offering or something (we don’t know, it was all the news there was on Friday, which brought our cherished Internet to a dumb screeching halt). And then mean old New York Senator Chuck Schumer targeted him with the delightful Ex-PATRIOT Act, which would ding poor Mr. Severin for 30 percent of his income! That is double the rate that is supposed to be paid by the wealthy, as a reward for them creating your jobs. (You do all work in yacht sales, right? Or yacht construction, or yacht redecorating, or yacht skippering, or yacht insurance fraud?) And doubling the tax rate, so that it is equal to what your slob brother-in-law pays on his unemployment check? That is punishing them for their success! Everybody knows that! But did you also know it’s what the NAZIS did? That’s right, anti-tax hero Grover Norquist says this Ex-PATRIOT bill is the worst thing since the Holocaust, and we know six million Jews who would totally agree!

Inspired by the actions of Eduardo Saverin, the Facebook co-founder who renounced his citizenship ahead of a large tax payment associated with the company’s much-ballyhooed initial public offering, Sens. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and Bob Casey (D-PA) unveiled a bill Thursday to force such tax-dodgers to pay a 30 percent tax rate on all future U.S. investments and ban them from ever setting foot in the country again.

Anti-tax activist Grover Norquist compared it to the actions of Nazi Germany.

“I think Schumer can probably find the legislation to do this. It existed in Germany in the 1930s and Rhodesia in the ’70s and in South Africa as well,” Norquist said, as quoted by The Hill. “He probably just plagiarized it and translated it from the original German.”

Hahahaha ho ho cough wheeze rattle phlork! Oh Grover Norquist, you old goat! Rush Limbaugh and the Wall Street Journal — surprise! — agree. So do lots of America, Love It Or Leave It types, whose main concern now is not so much America First as that capital never be impeded in going on tax holiday. John Boehner, though, who occasionally lives in the real world where billionaire tax dodging is not universally applauded by a hardscrabble Ohio electorate, says some words and then some other words and then some other words some more.

“This is absolutely outrageous … that somebody would renounce their citizenship to avoid paying taxes,” House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) said on ABC’s “This Week” Sunday. The speaker didn’t rule out supporting the Democrats’ bill but pointed out that moves like Saverin’s are “already against the law.”

“I’m not sure it’s necessary,” Boehner said of the so-called Ex-PATRIOT Act. “If it’s necessary, I — sure, I would support it.”

It is almost as if John Boehner does not think Eduardo Saverin is the new Anne Frank! But don’t worry, when it comes time to vote on the Ex-PATRIOT Act, they’ll have larded it up with $50 billion in new Star Wars funding, criminalizing gay dogs and single motherhood, and compulsory English-only prayers to Jesus in every Head Start center, which will also be banned. That bill is going to be awesome. [TPM]

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It sure must have been embarrassing for young master James O’Keefe when every single part of his latest vote fraud video was laughed out of the room. (He said a dead dude was voting, but edited out the part where it was clear that it was the dead dude’s son, Dead Dude Jr., to whom the lady thought she was offering the ballot. Then he claimed noncitizens were voting because two guys said they weren’t citizens to get out of jury duty; at least one of them was naturalized between that jury duty date and the date of the election.) So how does one go about “walking back” claims that formed the entirety of his thesis? Perhaps with a quick apology and total disavowal, as did NRO on Friday when they accused Elizabeth Warren of plagiarism, whoops, except hers was the book that came out first? Sure, that’s what O’Keefe did: apologized and … HAHAHA DON’T BE RIDICULOSE! Apologies and retractions are for suckers!

No, here’s what led O’Keefe’s “update” to his video on “Democrat-friendly” vote fraud schemes (which showed kids bragging to University of North Carolina employees that they’d double-voted GOP): he starts by bragging that he got the employees disciplined. And then? The noncitizen voting part? Oh, well that may take a little more finessing!

The investigation also sparked discussion of a consensus bill on Voter ID in the North Carolina legislature. Note that Governor Beverly Perdue vetoed legislation that previously passed.

Additionally, other organizations have reviewed our check of jury forms against the voter rolls and have found one individual, Mr. Romero, apparently became a naturalized citizen after refusing jury duty on the grounds of being a non-citizen.

Another individual appears to have perjured himself on the jury refusal form despite also being a naturalized citizen.

Project Veritas’ journalists were offered ballots and encouraged to vote despite raising red flags with outlandish behavior – such as speaking Spanish while asking to retrieve a foreign passport and wearing a ridiculous costume. However, while our facts were correct in the report, the perception presented in the investigation — which highlighted the ease in which voter fraud can be committed — deserves correction in regards to the citizenship status of Mr. Romero and Mr. Gorzkowski.

Did you catch it? There at the end? He said “while our fact were correct in the report, the perception … deserves correction in regards to the citizenship status of Mr. Romero and Mr. Gorzowski.” Too bad about all those correct facts, which are so very correct but somehow also not correct and deserve correction, that is so weird. Also, dunno, call us nitpicky, but a better correction of these totally correct facts might have been one that said, “Our report was incorrect” and then actually stated that the aforementioned fellows are actually citizens, and not dastardly immigrant vote frauders, instead of leading with a whirlpool of verbiage that people have to doggy-paddle around in before getting to the correction of the totally correct facts, which were obviously correct.

Good apology, James O’Keefe! Oh wait, that’s right, he didn’t. Maybe next time? Sure, next time!

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Well tut tut, a Friday news dump: Mitt Romney’s first general election ad! Since it’s an official ad, it’s nice and sunny and banal, unlike the “HOW MANY FOUNDING FATHERS DID OBAMA RAPE TODAY?” ones that his forty Super PACs will be running nonstop. It’s about Mitt Romney’s first day. What will happen? It will be sunny and tractors will cut wheat. A man will open a door in front of his Small Business. Each American will get five Keystone pipelines. Romney will “issue order to begin” fixing the health care system by eliminating the health care system and replacing it with tax cuts. Savvy young tech whizzes will play on the computer. Mitt Romney will give a speech before a joint session of Congress, on Day 1. A black lady in a business suit will fold her arms and smile because of Mitt Romney. He will stand next to a black man for two seconds for the cameras. Also too, Reforms. Then he’ll jump off a cliff, in despair, maybe. The years 2013-2017 will be “good for America,” hehe, hoo boy.

UPDATE: He will also shake a black lady’s hand for half a second; we missed this part. That’s three, quota met!

[via Outside the Beltway]

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Your Wonkette is going to write a fun sentence and it is going to be true. Arizona’s Secretary of State has threatened not to put President of the United States of America Barack Obama on the ballot this fall because (a) he had a persuasive chit-chat with World Net Daily arch-grifter Jerome Corsi and (b) “he got more than 1,200 emails” demanding he look into the president’s birth certificate after Joe Arpaio’s “investigation” came out. This is the current power system in Arizona, folks. This is how things are done now. We’re tempted to declare the devolution complete and finally throw that big State of Nature parade in the blood-soaked hellscape streets of outer Phoenix, but maybe it’s too soon. They’ll do something dumber, eventually. They always do. Christ, Arizona. Stop hitting yourself.

So this Secretary of State wants to be governor in 2014. Meaning, he’s doing this because he thinks it is a good political move, instead of totally and utterly humiliating. How horrible and funny will the 2014 Arizona Republican primary for governor be? We’re betting that even this Secretary of State, who is executing the most comically juvenile white nationalist pander we’ve ever seen, will probably end up on the left flank of the debate:

The man in charge of running Arizona’s elections has gone to the birthers. Secretary of State Ken Bennett now says he’s not convinced Barack Obama was really born in the United States and so he is threatening to keep the president off the ballot in November.

Bennett’s comments came in an interview late Thursday with conservative radio talk show host Mike Broomhead on Phoenix station KFYI.

Bennett said he was following the lead of the state’s eccentric Sheriff Joe Arpaio, a fellow Republican who ordered an investigation into the president’s birth certificate last year and concluded the document released by the White House is a forgery. Bennett said he is now trying to get verification from state officials in Hawaii that the certificate is authentic.

In doing so, Bennett caved to a fringe group of activists and writers who believe in a conspiracy theory that just never seems to die no matter how much proof they get. Hawaiian officials have said time and again that Obama was born there in 1961, yet the theory persists.

Bennett, the state’s No. 2 elected official just below Gov. Jan Brewer (R), said his investigation isn’t personal. He said the reason he started looking into it is because he got more than 1,200 emails asking him to do so after Arpaio’s investigation came out.

Okay, screw the half-assed attempt at trying to understand these people. YOU ARE ALL RACIST. THIS IS PURE RACISM. YOU LOVE RACISM. YOU ARE ALL SO, SO RACIST. IT IS STAGGERING HOW OPENLY AND PROUDLY RACIST YOU ALL ARE.

(Not too bright either!)

[TPM]

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